Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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