I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
