yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He's on the porch naked. Help.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
