office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
