am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
