I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
