he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
