All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
