id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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