I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
