Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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