Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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