my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
