I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
