dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I will die if light touches me.
her vagine was all disorganized.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
