I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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