wrigley field is MILF paradise
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
