Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
