if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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