Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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