The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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