i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
A+ Viking dick
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
