Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
