The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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