Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
