I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
