Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
