i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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