Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
