I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
