It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize