I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize
