I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
