I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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