We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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