You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
