Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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