oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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