chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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