All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
