you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize