I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
