you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize