our cab driver is having phone sex.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
