apparently the secret to your success is patron
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
