just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
