HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
