that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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