ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm like, not good at living.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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