true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
