just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
