i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
