There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
