Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
