note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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