Barsexuality is the new black.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
