we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
