You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
