Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
