Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
