as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
