Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
