By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
