Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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