Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
