Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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