whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
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