the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The Olympian is in my bed
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
