I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
