I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
