In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
